


The Criminal Life of One Jane Crocker

by sunflowerwonder



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Parks and Rec., mysterious mustaches, short fic, that's it everyone go home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:23:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerwonder/pseuds/sunflowerwonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Jane Crocker and you may or may not have stooped low enough to draw a Sharpie mustache on your dear boyfriend's face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Criminal Life of One Jane Crocker

**Author's Note:**

> OTP alert! From a request on my Tumblr.

“Jane, what did you fucking do to me?!” Dirk called from the bathroom, loud enough to be heard across the apartment.

You chuckled silently to yourself as you heard him stomping down the hallway, already pointing an accusing finger at where you sat over your laptop on the couch.

“Is there a problem, Mr. Strider?” You chimed, giving him a bright smile.

“The problem, Miss Crocker, is that a Sassacre-worthy ‘stache has magically sprouted upon my face, and I do believe an underhanded super sleuth might have been the cause,” he seethed.

“Hoo hoo hoo, I do believe I don’t have any clue as to what you’re talking about!” you giggled, staring at the sharpie mustache that had grown overnight on your dear boyfriend’s face. It was a cheap and amateur prank, sure, and it hardly did anything to liven your prankster’s gambit, but it was worth it stoop to such levels to see Dirk all riled up.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” he replied, “The criminal life doesn’t suit you Crocker.”

“Are you accusing me?!” you exclaimed with mock disbelief, fluttering your fingers over your face to add to the effect, “I’ll have you know that positively anyone could have done that to your face! Especially after you fell asleep during our Parks and Rec marathon last night.”

He plopped down on the couch next to you, slipping down his shades just enough to let you see a sliver of his orange glare.

“So that’s what this is about, eh?”

“Well I don’t take lightly to someone simply throwing pranking vulnerability at me.”

“Do you know how long Sharpie takes to wash out of skin?”

You gave him a small wink, returning to your laptop, “I don’t see what the problem is, Strider. I think you look rather dashing with your newfound facial hair.”

He sighed, running a hand through his already disheveled hair, before leaning his head into your shoulder.

“I fuckin’ hate you sometimes, you know that, Jane?”

“Oh, I’m fairly sure you don’t mean that.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” he smiled nuzzling your face with his nose, “But if you wake up tomorrow with an equally mysterious mustache you can’t blame me.”

You lightly kissed his cheek, and papped him on the head before returning to your screen.

“Now, I believe we were on episode 14, correct? Do try not to fall asleep this time.”


End file.
